Dear impatient guy whining and complaining about the line for the bathroom at the hot yoga studio loudly enough for me to hear you from inside the stalls when you explain through a huffy, puffy sigh “What are they DOING in there?!?”
Let me paint you a picture… Imagine this: You’re trying to pull on skin tight, spandex pants over your thunder thighs while you’re already sweating because it’s 1,000 degrees in the studio and then working up even more of a sweat as you struggle, creating this never-ending cycle of fighting the sweat and in the process, making more sweat and then you’re almost giving up hope and thinking you should just trow in the towel and come out of the stall, naked from the waist down and slink away to your car and drive home, never to be seen again. Instead, you push on. Then, you begin panting and grunting and praying to all the Gods that you don’t even believe in because a pretend God has to be better than this living hell and then you stop to take a break because you’re completely out of breath and you’re starting to see stars and in that moment, with the stars circling through your vision, you hear a whining ass pansy ass man complaining outside the door about how you’re taking too long. You roll your eyes and try to concentrate as all of your parts are jiggling all over the place and the sweat is dripping into your eyes and you just have a few… more… inches… to go, but you’re starting to get dizzy and the room is slowly getting darker and you think you might pass out, but you can’t give up now because it’s just as hard to get them off as it is to get them on and you can’t go out there naked, you just can’t so you find the last bit of courage and FINALLY… success! You triumphantly pull them over that one last belly roll just to walk out of the bathroom stall in VICTORY just to realize that you now have to apologize for… pants. I mean, for fuck’s sake… please have some pity on our souls. We are all fighting a battle that is beyond your wildest dreams in there. That, sir, is what we are DOING in there. How about next time, you try some encouraging words or a little chant like “You can do it!” Things might move faster if you cheer a girl on and shit, have some humanity, a little bit of community, teamwork. Or… just STFU. The choice is yours.