Lets talk a little bit about limiting beliefs:
Limiting beliefs are the false ideas that were planted in our minds long ago, often in childhood although we can pick them up at any point in our lives. At one time, your brain interpreted an event, conversation or experience in a way that led you to believe what you believe today, the good, bad, the ugly and the culmination of all of these things become the building blocks of our personalities, our truths, the things that define us. This whole thing absolutely terrifies me as a mother; never knowing what little tiny thing might be the spark in my kid’s minds that shape their entire future.
Which moments will turn into memories?
Which words will echo in their brains over and over again?
Please, God let it be the good ones, the times that I looked them in the eye and told them how special they were, the 100 times a day that I told them I loved them, the times I dropped everything to spontaneously drive them two hours each way to St.Augustine so they wouldn’t miss their school field trip, the summer vacations and the silly traditions. Please don’t let it be the times that I was a bad mom, the time I lost my shit because they couldn’t find ONE of their shoes or when I yelled at them for any one of a million times that I regret over their short lives or the times they saw me crying out of frustration, a broken heart or exhaustion.
The thing is, we don’t get to choose and it’s impossible to know which seemingly small thing will alter their future butterfly effect style. This is why I’ve taken such care to teach them tools for the future. I want them to know how to identify those false beliefs, how to feel their feelings and move through them, how to overcome obstacles with grace and ease, how to self-sooth and how to heal and to lead by example that we can overcome anything life throws at us, that we can always choose again and that love is the ultimate healer.
As part of my own healing journey, I’ve done a lot of work on my limiting beliefs, tracing some of them back to their roots. Figuring out where/when the wounds were inflicted on our hearts and minds is an important part of healing them.
For a majority of my life, I have carried a massive limiting belief that has brought me so much pain and inadequacy and inevitable failure in almost everything I’ve ever attempted, loved, cared about. It pops up out of nowhere; a sneaky little voice that tells me (or sometimes screams at me) that I’m not good enough.
You’re not good enough. You shouldn’t do that. They won’t like you. You’re not good enough. They won’t pick you. They won’t like you. Don’t even try. You’re not good enough. You’re going to fail. It won’t work. You’re not good enough.
This belief was always a bit of a mystery to me as I grew up with the most incredible, supportive parents who would stand behind me and cheer me on no matter what I chose to do with my life. I remember trying to rebel as a teenager and no matter what I tried, I was always met with very little reaction and some form of “We love you anyway.” I vividly remember my father, a former hippie rockstar (still a hippie rockstar, actually) responding to my threats to skip out on college with “It doesn’t matter if you go to college for just one semester and drop out. At least go and experience it.” And as I’m typing this, I may have just realized how much that one seemingly random statement has shaped who I am today, but that’s really not the point of this story. The point is, they always believed in me, encouraged me and supported me. So where, then did I pick up this belief that I wasn’t good enough?
Through a lot of soul searching, I was able to take myself back to the very first time that I ever felt like I wasn’t good enough, like I was inadequate and that people didn’t like me. In first grade, I had two best friends. Together, we were the cool girls in class, or so my 8 year-old mind believed. They were so pretty and they were funny and they were smart and people liked them and I was one of them so therefore, I was pretty and funny and smart and people liked me. Then, one day, they decided that they were going to play at recess without me. They didn’t pick me to be part of their group. They didn’t sit next to me at the lunch table. While I don’t ever recall them being mean to me, they grew closer together and they became best friends without me and that was the exact moment that I picked up the limiting belief that I wasn’t good enough to be their friend.
At 8-years old, through the actions of two little girls who may not have ever meant to hurt me, I began to feel that I wasn’t pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough and that people didn’t like me. This pattern began to show up for me over and over again. Perhaps I even sought out the people and situations that would allow this scenario to play out for me because after all, that’s what I was used to, that’s what I expected, that was my truth and that victim story became the one that defined me.
I found and relationships that were toxic because “I wasn’t good enough” and boys who would cheat on me because “I wasn’t pretty enough.” I dropped out of school over and over again because “I wasn’t smart enough.” I can recall countless times that a friendship ended because “they liked someone else better than me.” I clung to friendships/relationships that played out the same pattern of hurt and rejection time after time. I didn’t chase my drams. I played small. I was afraid of being seen.
I allowed this limiting to belief to make so many choices for me in my life, but now that I have identified it, traced it back to it’s inception and have the awareness that this is 8-year old Angela’s wound, not grown-up, powerful, lightworker, badass boss babe Angela’s wound, I am often able to quiet the voice and move through the feelings that once crippled me. Now, whenever that limiting belief starts to creep in, I am able to respond to 8 year-old me with kindness and compassion. I become softer and I speak to myself gently.
“Sweet girl, you are more than enough. Don’t let them dim your light. You are beautiful and funny and smart and your truth is inspiring and important. You are here to change the world. You are here to open hearts and open minds and you are more than enough.
You are enough. You are enough.”
We don’t get to choose the moments that form us, the lies that become our truth, the way our young minds interpret situations, conversations and experiences, but as informed adults, we are able to tune in, to seek out those lies, to take those tired old stories for what they are, acknowledge them, heal them and then rebuild. As humans, we have the beautiful ability to choose again. At any moment, we can choose again. We can choose a new feeling, belief, course. We can’t change our past, but we can swrite a new story for ourselves. We can turn our wounds into battle scars and our trauma into power. We can overcome any situation that is presented to us because we are good enough and we all deserve to be happy, enlightened, fulfilled and whole. We can choose to be defined by our past, continue to crumble, to allow our victim story to play on repeat or we choose again and we can rise from the ashes.
The choice is yours.
What are some limiting beliefs that hold you back from reaching your full potential? Are you able to trace them back to their roots and identify their origin? How can you start to heal those wounds and write a new story for yourself right now, today?
Drop me an email or a send a DM on Instagram if you’d like to chat.
I’m always here for you. I believe in you. You are enough.